


the devil in your eyes

by ztazziia



Series: drive with care [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, Memories, Open to Interpretation, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past lover is up to your interpretation, Poor Max :(, Repressed Memories, THIS IS A POEM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26467507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ztazziia/pseuds/ztazziia
Summary: they eventually blended into one but max was blind to it. he and him are the same, both carrying evil within them.
Relationships: Max Verstappen/Other(s)
Series: drive with care [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924090
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	the devil in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i just put these poor boys through a lot of angst and tragedy.  
> the other driver/past lover mentioned could be anyone so it's up to you. if you want it to be daniel, it's daniel. if you want it to be charles, it's Charles etc.
> 
> this is the first poem in my series for the drivers. hopefully, i can commit to updating the series at least every couple of weeks.
> 
> anyways, this is a mess. enjoy!

-

adrenaline courses through my veins,  
i can do this,  
it is only up to me now,  
i am alone.

short breaths  
radio messages,  
small smiles,  
i can do this.

pressure mounts on my shoulders,  
i hide it.  
if i conceal it,  
surely i will forget about it?

a kick,  
a slap,  
_je bent nutteloos,_  
i can do this.

i am alone,  
it is only me,  
i am my support system,  
i can only let myself down.

he left me,  
alone and broken,  
it was for my own good,  
but why does it hurt so much?

a flash of lights,  
a hurl of abuse,  
a short sharp screech,  
can i do this?

You left me,  
not just him,  
but You as well,  
so so different yet the same treatment.

an argument,  
a coloured cap,  
a contract,  
i'm not sure about this.

why?  
why?  
why would You leave?  
don't You know what i've been through?

a small smile,  
a flash of lights,  
an engine revving.  
please stop, i can't do this.

he and You.  
are You really any different?  
he who is the devil  
You as his advocate.

a flash of red,  
a blink of an eye,  
a small slither of hope.  
i don't want to do this.

You consume my mind,  
You bring him with You.  
stop it.  
stop reminding me of him.

let me go,  
let me out,  
stop,  
_stop._

get out, get out, get out.  
stop hurting me.  
please,  
i beg You.

i hate You,  
i hate him,  
my lover and my father,  
connected by abuse.

a sharp pain,  
a jolt through my body,  
i hope You're happy,  
because You ruined this.

my sport,  
my life,  
my happiness,  
gone because of You.

a scar across my back,  
a shade of purple across my legs  
was it You who done this?  
or was it him?

you fade into each other,  
blend together,  
dutch dialect becomes Your own,  
Your tongue shedding its skin.

You bring back my memories of him,  
my father,  
screams of _stop alsjeblieft,_  
echoing in my bedroom, my hotel room, my motorhome, my head.

you two are the same to me,  
selfish, evil, cowards,  
yet You consume my mind,  
i am the true coward.

just leave me alone,  
i can't take much more,  
memories of a dark figure,  
_please stop!_

i can't do this anymore.


End file.
